


There's Nothing Romantic About Explosive Diarrhea

by tastybaby



Category: Free!
Genre: F/M, Free! Kink Meme, Lactose Intolerant!Makoto, NOT A SCAT FIC..., Sickfic, very subtle shippies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 18:25:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2160573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tastybaby/pseuds/tastybaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those fortified rice balls Kou made were <i>absolutely</i> going to be the end of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. whey? lactose? science? butts?

**Author's Note:**

> moving this over from [the kink meme](http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/2701.html?thread=3056269) so i can keep track of it!

 

He'd remembered hearing somewhere that an allergy or intolerance could manifest in the body at any given moment throughout a person's life. Both Ren and Ran were gluten intolerant, and when they ate it they became bloated, nauseous and uncomfortable. Gluten intolerance may have been hereditary, he thought as he forced down another bite of Kou's Cocoa-flavored fortified rice ball. 

 

The day continued and his symptoms did not cease. Was there gluten in rice? He didn't think so. No, there definitely wasn't, because Ren and Ran ate bread made with rice flour and did just fine.. And Haruka, whose stomach could never handle chocolate, was already doing okay, so why did he feel like his stomach was roiling after a few hours? 

 

Makoto slipped away, heavy-eyed and with shallow breath, to go find exactly what was in those rice balls. They tasted like normal sushi rice--rice vinegar, a splash of sesame oil, some sugar and salt.. The filling did have that powder in it, though. After some sluggish digging, he found the package in the garbage (it appeared that Nagisa had raided the rest of it and made a shake). 

 

The ingredients were all scientific and shady, but he did see whey protein. Whey was the gross part of milk, right? Or was that curds? Regardless, he did some impromptu research from his cell phone. 

 

"Can whey proteins make you sick?"

 

Yahoo! Answers said yes, if you're lactose intolerant. Lactose? Makoto was under the impression that we were talking about whey. 

 

"Whey lactose same thing"

 

Okay, he felt pretty foolish, but his stomach was full of angry bubbles and he needed answers. Turned out that Whey is milk, which is lactose. Ta da!

 

It was a shot in the dark to jump from there, though. Further investigation ensued. 

 

"Lactose intolerance symptoms"

 

Oh, gross. He didn't want images. Some of the moderate symptoms seemed to match up with how he was feeling, so Makoto decided to play doctor and self-diagnose himself. No more milk in his tea, or pizza, he thought.

 

So they had pizza later that night. Makoto figured it would make or break his theory and dove in.

 

Three slices in, his theory became scientific law. He excused himself early that night to go home and lay down unmoving for three hours before sleeping like a rock.

 

The next day, fortified protein meals returned with a biting vengeance. Makoto's stomach took a hard blow, but today was training day so he shimmied tediously into his jammers and hit the water. What normally felt like piercing through the pool was much easier metaphorized with dragging himself through wet cement. He presumed that eating wet cement would feel better than eating another fortified rice ball, but Kou had spent so much time calculating out each individual member's nutritional needs and definitely sparkled a little bit when they ate her cooking. He dutifully poisoned himself the next day, but a half hour into practice he had to hit the sidelines.

 

Nagisa took his place, barking orders and Haruka and Rei while they created waves in the pool. Kou sidled up to him. 

 

"Are you okay? You've been pretty slow lately, and you look like someone punched you in the stomach, Mako," she poked his shoulder with the back of her pen. 

 

"Mm. I'm okay! I uh, probably just didn't get enough sleep last night," he confessed. It wasn't a lie. He'd been up for half the night kneeling over the toilet, waiting for something that never came. Makoto gave her a weak smile.

 

"Ever since I started making you guys lunches, you've been pretty off, and you don't stay over as late as you normally do," she observed. "Is...is my cooking making you sick?" Kou looked crestfallen. Makoto felt like he was going to have diarrhea. 

 

"No! Well, I mean...maybe, but it's just because I think I might have some sort of milk allergy.."

 

Makoto's knuckles were white from where he'd been clutching the cement of the pool's lip. He had to word this carefully. She worked so hard, but he was sick and worn and didn't necessarily have all the words he needed. 

 

"There may be some in the protein supplements you've been using? I mean, I know they're necessary for our health, so I'll keep eating them! I just--" Kou laid a hand on his shoulder.

 

"Makoto. Rin's lactose intolerant, too. I was using the powder he gave me, because  _he_ couldn't use it! I can get something that doesn't have dairy in it, it's really okay," she laughed, but then eyed him meaningfully. "Don't eat yourself sick, that's the opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish here."

 

He gave her a grateful smile and she returned it with a kiss to his forehead. Makoto blinked and her face heated up.

 

"Ahh! Shoot, sorry, I was thinking about something else. Was that too much? Uhh," she darted up and beckoned him to follow her. "You should get changed and go home. You probably...don't feel too good right now! Go on home. Nagisa and I will take care of everything. I'll have food you can eat tomorrow. I'll have Rin test it!"

 


	2. moms? crystals? texting? bread?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kou feels bad about poisoning her big muffin and comes over with a bag of goodies to make his tummy happy.

He'd written "soymilk" on the communal grocery list that was stuck to the fridge (if he couldn't have cow's milk, he needed to get calcium some other way! Kou has texted him as an addendum on his way home), and his mother, bless her heart, almost immediately came buzzing into his bedroom.

 

"Makoto! What do you need soymilk for?" she asked, but he waited another beat knowing she'd probably answer her own question. "Is this because of your stomach trouble? You know, I have a really good home remedy for that, too, ah--where is my Amber? You can sleep with it in your pocket, but it'd be better if you just taped it to your tummy--"

 

"Mom."

 

"Your father probably took it to work again! You know how he loves to decorate his cubicle with them..."

 

"Mom.."

 

"He's so airheaded! I have to keep them with me, otherwise they won't work! You stay here, Mako, I'm going to go give your father a  _talk_ ," she said with purpose and took her leave.

 

Makoto laid back on his bed and sighed, rubbing his stomach. He still felt pretty nauseous, but he had read into lactose intolerance and found out a few more things to do rather than prostrate yourself on the bathroom floor, or groan helplessly clutching your stomach for an hour and a half. He dragged himself into the kitchen to see if they had anything carbonated. He felt like beer would be counter-productive, and even if his father had deemed him old enough for "more than a swig every now and then, when we're home" he hadn't ever come to like the taste. There were a few cans of some strawberry soda that was probably closer to fizzy syrup, but those were Ren and Ran's and he wouldn't dare take them. Other than that, the zucchini on the bottom shelf seemed to glare at him unsympathetically. Cracking his neck, he made his way back to his bedroom. 

 

His siblings visited briefly, asking if he needed anything. It brought a smile to his face that they'd put forth the effort, and it was a little endearing. They started bickering over who would end up being more helpful, though, and his mother took pity on him and called them out to leave him be. Makoto quietly admitted defeat and began to doze off before his phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

 

 

 _(18:47) Gou Matsuoka:_ Hey, I'm super sorry still about kind of poisoning you lol?? 

 

 _(18:49)_ _Gou Matsuoka:_ Uhh no wait not "LOL" this isn't funny!!! I mean.. it's kind of funny. It'd be funnier if it wasn't you. 

 

 _(18:49) Gou Matsuoka:_ OKAY REGARDLESS...... Is there anything I can do for you tonight? Since this is totally my fault? 

 

 

 

Makoto was charmed by how ready she was to take responsibility. However, it wasn't really her fault. How could she have predicted that his body would just stop producing something that'd help him digest lactose? He smiled sympathetically despite the fact that she wasn't there to see it and typed a reply.  _It's not your fault, you don't have to take responsibility for this, Gou._ He accented the message with a softly smiling emoji to punctuate his tone. His phone informed him that she'd read the message and he didn't receive a reply for a few minutes, so Makoto assumed that that was the end of it and placed the device on his bedside table. The screen lit up and it buzzed again.

 

 _(18:55) Gou Matsuka:_ So after a few minutes of contemplating, I have decided that I don't care what you think. Any guy who would try to swim while he felt like shit (and not tell anyone???) clearly is NOT in tune with his needs and has poor judgement of when things need to be taken care of. 

 

 _(18:56) Gou Matsuoka:_ Get ready for a late-night care package delivery!!! :D

 

With a bemused, sleepy expression, Makoto replied with some sort of minimal word of caution against coming over, but ended with gratitude and set his phone down. He dozed off a few times within the half hour it took for her to arrive. An enthusiastic knock rang through the house and his siblings skittered ahead of him on his way down the hall to answer. 

 

"Hello, Mrs. Tachibana! I hope it's okay that I'm stopping by. Makoto's sick because of me, so I brought some goodies over," he heard her laugh shyly. His mother turned to him with pursed lips in an attempt to hide a giddy grin, cleared her throat and turned back to Kou. She waved her through. After greeting the twins, she looked up at her patient for the hour. "What are you doing out of bed?! Come on, Mako! Shoo!" she held her arms out in front of herself and pushed him down the hall, multiple plastic bags swinging at her wrists. His protests were feeble and lighthearted.

 

He climbed into his bed and she welcomed herself to sit there as well, fishing through her bags. She pulled out a glass bottle of sparkling water. "Here. Soda is too acidic and would make you feel worse, but I got the fruity kind anyway," she ordered. Makoto nodded obediently and uncapped it, but the fizz rushed through the neck of the bottle and out the mouth. He jumped and reached for a corner of his blanket to wipe it off. 

 

"Ah! Sorry, I'm sort of hopeless at opening fizzy things," he said shamefully. Kou looked at him in a way that made it very easy for him to picture her as a mother someday. Her attention returned to her bag and she brandished an entire loaf of white bread. He eyed her quizzically and she averted her eyes.

 

"White bread is spongey and will help absorb some of the acids in your stomach," she reasoned, thrusting a few slices toward him. "Eating it plain sucks, but it'll overwhelm your stomach if you eat a bunch of stuff with it." 

 

"You seem to know a lot about this," Makoto observed, biting into a slice of plain bread. She smiled at him.

 

"Rin's been lactose intolerant his whole life, so my whole life. And I get a super upset stomach when I'm stressed," Kou's shoulders sank slightly, which revealed that it was probably quite frequent that she was stressed.

 

Makoto wanted to say something sweet, but the bread formed a paste in his mouth and he couldn't speak without making unsightly smacking noises. As far as a cute girl coming over to tend to your sickness, he figured this was about the least romantic things could be. Colds and fevers were popular in anime for a reason: the gross factor was minimal. Bloated, gassy anime protagonists that had to stay close to the bathroom for fear of diarrhea generally did not end up with cute girls. He felt pretty foolish and insecure, for some reason. It took a while to realize that Kou was watching him expectantly. He flinched and covered his chest.

 

"Makoto, what the hell was that?" she giggled and laid a hand on his shin. "You're not a girl in a bikini. You don't have any breasts to cover..stop being so jumpy!" He swallowed the lump in his throat that was probably half bread and half nerves and then turned the bottle up to finish it off. She intervened and grabbed it out of his hand. "Whoa, whoa, not so fast! You're gonna be burping like crazy if you do that!" she laughed and shook her head. "You're  _so_ hopeless."

 

Wiping his mouth, he grinned at her. "I guess so, yeah," he agreed. 


End file.
